A Nintendo Switch Transformed into the World’s Slowest iPhone: 20-Minute Boot Times, Kernel Panics, and Non-Functional Apps

So, here’s this wild thing I stumbled upon. Someone – this tech whiz called PatRyk – decided to go on a bit of a tangent and, uh, cram Apple’s iOS onto a Nintendo Switch. Yeah, sounds bonkers, right? I mean, they joked it’s now the “world’s slowest iPhone.” Booting this Frankenstein creation? A whopping 20 minutes. So much for instant gratification. Anyway, it’s a total mess because apps just crash left and right.

Oh, wait — I gotta mention the timing. Just when everyone’s going nuts about Switch 2, PatRyk is off in their own world, wrestling with Apple’s OS on a system that, let’s face it, was probably like trying to fit a square peg in a round hole. Takes true patience, I suppose. But I can’t help wondering — how many times did they wait 20 minutes just to have it go kaput? Sounds like a comedy of errors, if you ask me.

Let’s talk usage — it’s apparently an epic fail. Kernel panics every second action. Apps? Ha, forget it; they crash faster than you can say “innovation.” Yet, somehow, it’s a start. Not that anyone’s trading in their iPhone for this makeshift Nintendo anytime soon.

Now, here’s a nerdy bit. Apparently, this whole experiment was made possible by some QEMU magic. I didn’t even know what that was, but turns out it’s like a techie Swiss Army knife for emulating stuff. So, PatRyk used this tool initially meant for Apple iPhone 11 and wrangled with it for two whole days — probably drank lots of coffee, just guessing — before they finessed iOS to speak Nintendo. Well, sort of. It was like making a cat bark, if you get me.

And so, while it feels like the kinda project someone does to escape reality for a while, we’re left with this bizarre crossbreed gadget. Will PatRyk keep tinkering with it? Maybe. They hinted at more coding craziness down the line, so who knows what’s next. I’ll bet it’ll involve another tech mashup that’s equal parts genius and folly. But, honestly, I’m here for it.